Top 13 Holiday Gifts for the Art & Law Dude and Dudette

If you’re like me, you have many friends that are either art lawyers, artists and/or art or law students. In this holiday season, what to get them, you ask? Well, here are 13 recommendations that are sure to make them happy and get you in the sack (with them, we hope). And why 13, you ask? That’s our lucky number!

1. Piracy, by Adrian Johns. A thoroughly researched book on the history and underpinnings of piracy. In this day and age, and whether your loved ones are for or against piracy, this is a sure bet that will keep them reading and their mouth shut for a month or so. About $15 on Amazon.
2. Protocolo Tempranillo wine from La Mancha, Spain. This very inexpensive bottle of wine (averages $8 a bottle) is a one-two punch; great price and phenomenal flavor. When you have to bring a bottle to a holiday party or buy a few for your favorite artists, you can’t go wrong with this baby. Hit it.
3. Alvarez Gomez. For that handsome or gorgeous person in your life, or for that gorgeous or handsome person you want in your life, you can’t go wrong with these Spanish colognes, perfumes, soaps and scents. The only thing missing is sitting at a cafe in Madrid.
4. Dia Beacon. This is every conceptual artists playground, so why not bring your favorite artist, lawyer or curator up to this lovely town to witness some hard core cerebral shit. Imi Knoebel, Blinky Palermo, Joseph Beuys, On Kawara, Bruce Nauman, Sol Leweitt, and Robert Ryman, all under one roof. Bring a bottle of that Protocolo and sit outside and chill, all while pondering why today’s boobs think recent Richard Prince works are worthy of being called art.
5. Mike Kelley: Educational Complex Onwards 1995-2008: This lush catalogue details Kelley’s magnum opus. The essays will guide the reader through Kelley’s thoughts and complex combinations, which can be mentally accessed through the numerous color images, sketches and diagrams in the catalogue. If your fave person has a bookshelf, this must go on it.
6.  Moleskin black pencil set. Trust me, you give this gift to that certain someone and it is guaranteed to engrave your face in their memory, if not a used napkin from the local pub (and goes great with a Moleskin 3-sketchbook pack). About $15 on Amazon.
7. Silver skull ring. I ask you, who doesn’t want a silver skull ring? And by this I mean a real silver skull ring, not some cheap knock-off from the Lower East Side. The Great Frog has outfitted a rocker or two, and they’re not cheap, but hey, if you want to hang with an artist lawyer and drink great wine at a Madrid cafe, this will get you noticed.
8. Justin Cowboy boots. Need I say more? Enough of this Keds bullshit kids are wearing today (including kids in their 30s). This pair of bad boys will outlast every appropriation artist out there, including inclement weather and NYC dogpoop. $205 via Justin Boots.
9. Old No. 7. When the Protocolo just won’t do, pull out Jack Daniels’ ol’ No.7. But be warned: if you’re listening to any Merle Haggard, Morrisey or Lucinda Williams, make sure no loaded firearms or sharp instruments are lying around. Just sayin’.
10. The Artist’s Reserved Rights Transfer And Sale Agreement. For the cheap skate out there, send this link to your favorite artist and make sure they understand the nature of artists’ rights, the role of an artist’s contract, and the history behind Seth Siegelaub’s powerful conceptual gesture. Check it!
11. Reconsidering the Object of Art: 1965-1975. This catalogue is a wrecking ball…a monster. Ann Rorimer and Ann Goldstein arrange a curatorial argument that today’s artistic generation sorely needs to read: the purpose of art and why it is through art that one expresses oneself. With a shot of Jack or a glass of Protocolo, always a good read. About $250.
12. Leather. As in black leather jacket. Let me reassure you that these bad boys never go out of style. Just imagine your favorite art & law dude or dudette wearing one of these, and the pleasure of taking it off of them (or putting it back on with nothing else) and, well, you get the idea. Makes a great combo with the Justin Boots, silver skull ring and bottle of Jack.
13. T-shirts. But not just any t-shirt will do. You have to go with the tried and true black t-shirt or the old school rock concert shirt. Just make sure they won’t be given or worn in or with irony or they will make your loved one’s arms fall off.

So, there you have it. Let me know what you think!

Tags: 13, art, Christmas, gifts, Holidays, law